CATTY CHRISTIAN OF THE WEEK.

Ok, so every once in a while on Facebook some stranger wants to be my friend. And back in the MySpace Days I was a big friend whore and would take whoever asked, pretty much. But on Facebook I'm much more selective because I just don't have time to deal with a bunch of goofs that I don't actually know.

So I check this dude's profile and he's a married heterosexual Christian from the South, and I'm immediately suspicious. Ask any gay and they'll tell you, most married heterosexual male Christians only befriend you for one of 2 reasons: they want to chastize you for being homosexual and tell you you're going to Hell, or they want to have sex with you. Plus, this other friend of mine on FB friended some other Christian recently, and was then subjected to all these bulletin posts and messages that were anti-gay, anti-gay marriage, blah, blah, and you know, I just don't have time for that. And those Christians are sneaky, as we all know. So I sent this guy a message asking him why he wanted to be my friend on FB, just out of an abundance of caution. And this was his reply:

Sorry if it's too small to read, but he says "Facebook is a social networking site. [So he's alreay schooling me.] I have made quite a few friends on here. I suppose that's not what you use it for, that's ok, have a nice day." ME-OW! Hssss! Guapo would be impressed.

Well, of course I got all indignant and defensive, because A) he implies I use FB for some other strange reason other than social networking and 2) he dismisses me all at the same time, and I'll be DAMNED if some ho-bag married heterosexual Christian from the South is going to dismiss ME. I did some more research and read his wall posts going pretty far back, and there's not one nasty anti-gay post among them. It's mostly boring stuff like "Can't wait to praise Jesus at the picnic this weekend." and "Praise God for my family and friends and fellowship at the camping trip last week." blah blah, pretty normal stuff. His posts were noticeably lacking in the vitriol and bile most of us have come to associate with Christians (and it's their own damn fault). So I replied with a quick note saying, basically, don't get your Jesus panties all in a bunch and friended him. Now I'll have a hot line to Jesus via FB. Or the bitch will delete me.

MONDAY HAPPENED AGAIN.

Monday, can you please just take a short vacation for a while. I really need a break from you. The kitties' slothful lifestyle is starting to wear off on me and as a result, I have resentment for you. A brief respite from you would be much appreciated.

Thank you.

A BARGAIN AT A FRACTION OF THE ORIGINAL RETAIL PRICE!

Hi ladies! I know, I know, long time no see. I was going to say I’ve been busy NESTING, but I don’t care for that word. It brings to mind insects, or aliens; it’s vaguely menacing and not at all attractive. Let’s just say I’ve been SETTLING IN. It’s so odd, I’ve gone from living an URBAN lifestyle to living a SUBURBAN one, and what with all the extra added busy-ness that comes with buying a home and moving in and getting acclimated to the mortgage payments and the unpacking and cleaning and the upkeep and making it to the train station on time...well, it’s just about enough to tire any old whore right out. But not to worry! I’m almost right back in the saddle.

Saturday the 4th was the day OC had his version of my housewarming party for friends and co-workers. We’d originally intended to invite everyone we knew to this thing, but it quickly became clear that we weren’t up to such a big endeavor. We wound up with a house filled with 30 people (hostesses included) and I tell ya, it may not sound like much, but it’s a handful. It was quite a success and a good time was had by all.

As promised, OC and I kept things deceptively simple. Here we are presiding over the pre-bbq appetizer table, which was loaded down with all kinds of goodies, (hummus, spinach artichoke dip, chips and salsa and other fatteningly delicious finger foods, all courtesy of Costco and Vallarta). Ray Ray finally had an appropriate opportunity to rock the authentic Hawaiian shirt he asked the Mom to get him several years back when she was a resident of the Aloha state - thanks Mom! The party was a lot of fun. But, taking into account the state of the economy, coupled with party expenses, OC and I have had to resort to extreme measures. Yes, the margaritas rocked, the party crasher who's the friend of a guest we barely know was obnoxious and loud, the pool got cloudy with...whatever it is that clouds up a pool when several people are enjoying it together (Nancy was appalled!)...and the neighbors were annoyed. But, OC and I are confident we will break even! May I present to you...The Things They Left Behind!

This lovely Azure-blue tank top is fresh off some tipsy twink's cannonball shoulders and ready for you to snatch it up, just in time for Summer! The exotic locale of Puerto Vallarta (beautifully rendered in the ever-popular East L.A. Cholo/Olde English 800 font) will let everyone know that you're either a world-travelling sophisticate who needs a passport just for a trip to the beach...or someone who isn't afraid to hit the garment district downtown and risk bodily harm for sexy style. It's a steal for only $10.99 (plus $6.99 shipping & handling within the continental United States)!

Or how about this fabulously edgy (not to mention sexy) Fossil watch with faux leather water-resistant wrist band? What better way to quietly telegraph that yes, you're kinky...but you like to know what time it is, which also means you're responsible. A daddy/master who wears a leather wrist band/watch hybrid is a daddy/master who has a healthy respect for any filthy piggy's "safe word" and will be sure to never get anyone into trouble by letting the scene run dangerously long. Trust is such an important element of any scene these days! This one-of-a-kind piggy magnet can be yours for just $7.99 (plus $12.50 shipping and handling within the continental United States)!



Getting a bit long in the tooth? Afraid that your twink days are long gone? Never you mind! You'll soon learn "there's no place like home" when you don these fabulous Emerald green short-shorts from LASC and return to the glory years of your sullied, sweaty, hairless (young adult) youth! Relive the years when the only way for your feet to go was UP! You'll attract the attention you deserve as you strut around the pool showing off your bulging basket in front and double canteloupes in the back! Never forget: YOU'RE ONLY AS YOUNG AS YOU FEEL, and when you pack yourself into these searingly sexy short-shorts, you'll feel like it's 1983 all over again! The Fountain of Youth was never so afforable at just $23.99 (plus $17.99 shipping and handling within the Continental U.S.).



BUT THAT'S NOT ALL!


If you act RIGHT NOW this entire ensemble can be yours for the amazingly low price of just 3 monthly payments of only $19.99! It's crazy, I know! Tahini, Bikini, Weenie, Martini! BAM! Neenee in the House! And if you act RIGHT NOW, we'll throw in this fabulous pair of Armani sunglasses that the Mom accidentally left behind in her haste to avoid missing her plane at LAX last time she visited (sorry Mom, your grace period just expired!). So why not change your life right now? THIS IS THE SUMMER that all your dreams can come true! Imagine the hot little piece of twink meat that is YOU, strutting along that sandy beach, or sauntering alongside that beautiful blue swimming pool with all the other twink hookers at the motel in Palm Springs you always secretly wanted to visit but never dared! And it all begins with a new ocean- or poolside ensemble courtesy of the queens and princesses who got so drunk at Ray Ray and OC's pool party that they LEFT THEIR FABULOUS SHIT BEHIND! Hey, we can't do this all day...



GET OUT THAT CREDIT CARD AND CALL NOW!

SUMMER IS HERE...AND SO IS PETUNIA.

There's a moon in the sky (called the moon) and it was so lovely over the weekend that the moon came out to catch a few rays for herself. Yes, summer finally hit us this weekend full tilt boogie. It's hot and muggy. And the pool is that much more enjoyable as a result.

Say hello to Petunia, the latest (and last, for a while) addition to OC and Ray Ray's household. Petunia is her given name; OC and I decided not to change it. In the pound, she was mellow and sweet, as was Guapo. I think they might be feeding demerol to the kitties at the pound to keep them mellow while on display. She's got gorgeous blue eyes. She just got spayed before we brought her home, so she's wearing a fabulous Elizabethan collar, which is sure to light up the kitty runways in Paris next Spring. The nylon boa is optional, as Petunia so clearly keeps making known by her uncanny ability to get rid of it several times a day. At one point she even got out of the collar, and for a moment I contemplated letting her keep it off...but then I had visions of pretty little Petunia gallavanting about the house, with her innards trailing behind her, and that was enough to make me keep it on.

Of course, a period of adjustment is to be expected whenever a new member of the family arrives. Guapo's fuse was quite short in the presence of Petunia during those first couple of days, but now he's accepted that she's here to stay and they get along just fine. Guapo is all delicacy and refinement. Petunia is all galloping energy and excitement. Guapo tried taking a hard line with Petunia when she first arrived...her collar no doubt makes her look like Frankenkittie to him, so he was a little put off. But then he realized she can whoop his ass, so he lightened up. When I first let her out of her carrier, she just pranced around the living room in circles, she seemed to be relishing finally being out of a cage. It was so sweet!

Anyway, this morning we're off to the vet for our first check up, then I'm off for a couple of days while the boss man is away...so I have some time to relax.

HAPPY (BELATED) BIRTHDAY TO THE LOVELY MS. CARLY SIMON!

What with all the hubbub over Miss Farrah and Miss Michael and their untimely passings, I forgot to wish my personal love Goddess a Happy Birthday! On June 25 the beautiful and talented Ms. Carly Simon turned 64! She is still making wonderful music and has really utilized the internet to open up an intimate line of communication with her loyal fanbase. I just love her! The pic above is an outtake from the photo shoot for her 1975 album Playing Possum which, in the grand scheme of things, is better remembered for its risqué album cover (which pissed off feminists who were going through an oh-so strident phase at the time) than for the music. (For the record, it's one of my favorites from her catalogue). Rumor has it that she and the photographer got tipsy on champagne before the shoot, which resulted in Carly getting loose, nearly naked and overly friendly with a saddle of all things...hope I get to see those outtakes some day.

At any rate, for better and worse, Carly helped shape my ideas of love and relationships through her music more than any other influence. Which translates into, I'm a hopeless romantic who believes in love, but I kinda went about it the long and messy way! She's a wonderful singer/songwriter. She's gone through career highs and lows over the decades and is a breast cancer survivor. She is still going strong, and has recently enjoyed renewed chart success with her past few releases charting higher than anything she's done since her 70s hey day. Her story comprises roughly one-third of the book Girls Like Us, a fascinating read also including the tales of Joni Mitchell and Carole King...Carly being the only one to participate directly in interviews for the project. It's a fascinating read...well, Carly's is, anyway, I haven't gotten around to reading about Joni and Carole yet.

Happy Belated Birthday, Carly and many happy returns! I love ya!

R.I.P. FARRAH FAWCETT (1947-2009)

I just heard the news and am saddened by it! Like many a boy of the 70s, I too succumbed to the magic of Farrah. I too had the wonderful poster. Farrah's the first person who made me realize nipples (or just the suggestion of nipples, really) could be sexy. Mean Dirty Pirate first made me aware of this video, which I think perfectly captures her innocence and charm at the time. She is truly one of the icons of my youth!

R.I.P. Farrah!

GUAPO!

So in the cage at the pound his little flatmate was this total spaz of a kitty who was falling all over himself (and Guapo) to get you to pet him...a total attention whore. While Guapo just sat there, patiently, staring out at you, getting knocked over by spaz kitty, not minding. The first time I laid eyes on Guapo he was eating...he glanced at me, then turned away and got back to eating. He just couldn't be bothered.

Here's Guapo enjoying the Custom Ray Ray Jelly Recliner, which offers unparalleled comfort!

Well, on the way home he talked a lot. Get me out of this travel cage! Where am I going? Who are you? etc. I talked back to him so he'd get used to my voice. Whenever I had to drive Joey or Gryffyn someplace, they'd meow and howl and bitch and moan, and I would just talk to them to keep them calm. It usually works well...they don't stop making noise, but it becomes a call and response type thing. Then once Guapo got home he totally disappeared for about 2 days, give or take.

But that was then...this is now. He's still a little jumpy but he loves attention and he's all over the place, exploring the whole house. He's also exploring every surface it is possible for him to get to...and there don't appear to be many that he can't. He's adorable! I'm so gay for him...

We're going to get another kitty very soon...it's always been our plan to get 2 at the same time, so we'll probably have another one by the weekend. Guapo needs a playmate for sure. He's energetic and curious...and very into receiving love and attention!

OUR FIRST WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.

All right, so we haven't actually had a wedding yet...but "first civil ceremony anniversary" sounds so...bureaucratic. At any rate, this weekend we celebrated one full year of being married. The special day was Saturday, but OC had to work that night, so we waited until Sunday night to go out for a romantic dinner at Bistro de la Gare in South Pasadena. It was wonderful! The food rocked and the ambiance was charming and very romantic as the sun went down. It's definitely a great place to go for an intimate dinner.

As for me, I love French food and never hold back on special occasions so I started out with a caesar salad and had Coeur de Filet Aux Champignons Sauvages (Filet Mignon with a Wild Mushroom Sauce) for my main course...actually, I think I just liked the idea of ordering a menu item that contains the word "sauvages." Anyway, it was delicious. The wild mushroom sauce was to die for. I washed it down with a bottle of pelligrino and a glass of cabernet. OC started out with the Salade de Tamate Mozzarella which was FABulous (always a treat when it's done right...and shame on any place that can't get that one right!) and the Le Classic Steak Frite a "La Parisienne" (Top Sirloin Steak with Garlic Parsley Butter served with French Fries). For dessert, OC had the créme brûlée and I had the Portifoles, which were three cream puffs filled with vanilla ice cream and topped with melted Swiss chocolate topped with whipped cream and with some sliced strawberries thrown in there (drool)...along with a decaf cappuccino. C'est magnifique!

We even had a French waiter who was friendly...which made it quite clear we were not actually in France. He only approached French sarcasm when, while checking on us after the we'd been served the main course, he asked if OC would like some ketchup for his pommes frites. All noise in the restaurant, even the charming background music, even the traffic outside, came to an abrupt halt...you could hear the crickets chirping...but of course OC waved him away like he was an imbécile for even asking. The music and the restaurant noise resumed, and the waiter bowed his head and said, in his French accent, "Just testing you."

Ray Ray also adopted a new addition to our family yesterday, an adorable little kitty we've named Guapo. But Guapo is being shy and we don't have any pics of him yet...he will probably make his debut later this week.

HAPPY MONDAY!

SOMETHING TO GNAW ON.

You know, when people (including the Messy American) use the expression “throw me/us a bone” it generally means a somewhat meaty bone that’s worth gnawing on for a while, a bone worthy of our distraction from the fact that things aren’t going the way we’d planned/been told they would go. It doesn’t generally mean throwing us a maggoty old piece of junk with nothing but gristle on it. But enough with the metaphor.

Back in January just after the election in my LOOKING AHEAD post, I cut and pasted a segment from the Obama/White House website entitled Support for the LGBT Community, which at the time was in the CIVIL RIGHTS section under AGENDA. You can look at the link to see how expansive it was, the specifics that were laid out, and how giddy yours truly was as a result, or you can take my word for it: nearly 50 lines of text, 8 bullet points, lots of happy talk and promises. Now when I visit Obama’s website, there isn’t even an LGBT section. The acronym, in fact, is buried in the last half of a single paragraph of text, wherein the Support for the LGBT Community has been reduced to this (keep searching, you'll find it):

CHANGE, indeed.

The changes brought about by Obama's signing of that Memorandum, the ones that affect me, don’t seem all that significant to me, but they are a sort of – I won’t say STEP, I wouldn’t want to exaggerate and give more credit than is due – but it’s sort of a GLANCE in the right direction.. But that's not the point. The point is what's happening in light of all that happy talk and promises that has slowly disappeared, only to be replaced with the vitriol of the DOMA brief.

The significant change resulting from the memorandum has to do with DOJ employees abroad. But from what I understand, Secretary of State Clinton had already implemented these new rules, which basically allowed the evacuation of a same-sex spouse. So that means, say you, a government employee, and your same sex civilian wife/husband are stationed in Guam, along with your co-worker Joe Blow and his civilian wife. All of a sudden there’s an uprising in Guam and the America-friendly government is overthrown, and an anti-USA government is put in place. All Americans need to get out ASAP. Well, under the old way, the government would pay for and effectuate Joe Blow and his wife, and you, getting out of there. But your same-sex wife/husband, well, tough cookies baby. They’re on their own. Which is a pretty horrid policy if you ask me. And this memorandum just kind of points out how horrid it is. Or, as some people would say...Fierce! [Insert sound of one hand clapping here.]

I encourage you to read Michelangelo Signorile’s concise post about this situation, which is encouraging, along with the rest of his excellent blog. I also encourage you to seek out gay blogs that are really moving on this and keeping the dialogue going (Towleroad, Pam’s House Blend, 2010 Boycott, etc.). I also encourage you to immediately access these contact lists of senators (see drop-down menu in upper right hand corner) and members of congress and write to your congress people/senators if this issue is important to you. Tell them that they need to immediately and publicly voice their opposition to DOMA and DADT, their support of repealing same, and that they need to immediately and publicly voice their support for ENDA and Rep. Tammy Baldwin’s H.R. 2517. Be polite but firm, ladies. No action = No $/Vote. It's pretty simple. Raving lunatics never make much headway and might alarm the wrong security agencies.

The fallout from this is still happening, and it’s a good time for gay Dems to test their strength as a voting bloc and a source of income for the DNC. Gay Dems can withold support right now and see how the DNC and the administration respond. If they tell gay Dems to take a leap, then OUCH! It'll hurt, but then perhaps gay Dems need to set their sights on the next democrat, or a 3rd party candidate, or think locally and funnel money where it won't be wasted. But right now, so early in the administration, is a good time for this battle to play out. As always, I’m optimistic because I believe in this country and in the values we represent as a nation and as a democracy. So do most of the rest of us, that’s why there’s such an outcry.

"FIERCE ADVOCATE"...FOR RIGHT WING BIGOTS?

Is it me...or does Howard Dean seem a bit defensive and nervous in this segment?

That nervous laugh when he stammers that Republicans can hardly be considered gay-friendly since they have used fear of The Gays to get elected for the past 30 years...as opposed to the Dems, who take lots of money from The Gays, and say all kinds of nice things on their "agenda" web page...until they get elected, and then it's like "GAME OVER, GAYS...THANKS BUT NO THANKS AND DON'T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU ON THE BEHIND ON YOUR WAY OUT!" Like we're the fat girl in high school that you were nice to when you wanted a piece of ass, but really rude to when your friends came around...

You know, I'm sure they all know that McCain received roughly 25% of the gay vote in the last election...so, with that in mind...

I don't think it's too much to expect a little LIP SERVICE. A BONE thrown in our direction...A SHOW OF GOOD FAITH. We're not even getting that. We just get empty rhetoric. "I have always been a fierce advocate..." blah blah blah. He needs to finish that sentence: "But that was BEFORE I GOT ELECTED. Now y'all can go jump in the lake, gay fools! Thanks for the cash!" I'm so grateful for Rachel Maddow, whom I can sort of look to and say: ok, if Rachel isn't foaming at the mouth with steam coming out of her ears, then I don't need to be. If Rachel can see the big picture, then so can I. If Rachel can have a sense of humor about the douchebag behavior of elected officials, even when it comes from people we REALLY, REALLY WANT TO LIKE AND BELIEVE IN...then so can I. But I still have one tiny little question for our "fierce advocates" who are in a position to actually do something...like deliver on promises they've made so that they can get our votes:

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE???!!!!!